yeayyyy, finally,, December is coming

well, long time no see,,
i think it's been two or more month i haven't write this blog.
mmm, you can say that i'm busy, but moreover, i am lazy to write,
two month ago i was in Palembang, but one month ago, i moved to pekanbaru,,
and, here i am, in pekanbaru, trying to write my blog again,
it's hard for me to write this blog,,
i still need time to adapt with new environment, so i don't have any hesitate to write my blog,

i know, that from my previous blog, i always been an optimist people, but, not now,,
i feel numb in here,, maybe because i didn't find the right friends,,

it's so awkward when the first time i arrived here in pekanbaru, well it's just the same feeling when the first time i-we- arrived in Palembang, but in Palembang i have friends that can keep up with me, we laugh a lot together, mourning together, sad together, we share everything together,, that's why i can endure the emptiness in Palembang,, but here in Pekanbaru i can't find people like my friend in Palembang,,
ohh, I miss them already,,

i hope i can meet them again, as soon as possible.

well back to the topic,,
i never imagine before, that working in banking sector require us to move around Indonesia a lot.
i never imagine that i can meet a lot of new people,
actually it's a good thing,
but, since i miss my friend (whom i was with them in Palembang), I still can't find the rhythm   in here, i just can get the feel in here,,
but i'm trying to enjoy my life here, cause, i have to spent my time here for the next 4 month,,
ohh, i don't know, it's hard, but i have to survive, i have to conquer my ego,,
i hope i can do it..

i just can't stop thinking why do people in this office can endure the ac..
oh my gosh, i can't even barely move my hand,
why can't they turn off the ac??
isn't it wwasting more energy??
they said, thi company is gonna be a go green company,,
but what??
they're wasting energy by using ac in a low temperature, which means consumes more energy,,
hy don't we reduce our polution??
try to walk to the office, not using ac, etc,,
i just wanna say that using ac isn't good for your healthyness,,
why don't we just opened the window and let the wind blow???

31 hours 10 minutes more,
I'm going to fly to medan
oh my god,
I'm so happy,
can't wait for tomorrow

tomorrow is the day
we have to present our paper
the good point, we can breath easily after this
the bad point, we can't even breath right now
hahahhahahaha
i don't know
i just haven't finished my paper, my slide, my form etc
it's even more difficult than doing my thesis
i don't know who will be chosen to present the paper for the first day, i hope it wasn't me
i'm not ready yet
i need more time..
i'm exhausting here
my eyes can compromise
need a lil help here..

right now,
in the middle of the night,,
I'm still awaken,
not because, I got insomnia,
or i can't sleep,
it's because I have to awake
I have to finish my task,
my lovely PAK.
I'm so much sleepy right now, but I have to endure it.
I have to finish my task first,
It's so cruel,,
I have to sacrifice my sleeping time only to finish my PAK,
What can I do??
All I can do is finishing my task, which means that I have to stay awake,,
hahahhahhaha..
*zombie eye with evil laugh*

I've think about this yesterday, when I was on the bus, to went to church,,
it just came out in my mind,,
I think about my family, my life it used to be,,
I remember, when I was a little child, me and my sister, go to our primary school, walking, laughing, fighting, just like the other child,
never thought about our future yet, all we knew only playing, and other people must understand us, and we didn't care about the others.
and then tie passed by, we grow up, we entered junior high school, oya, my sister only on years older than me, we become stubborn, we're just like cat and dog, we always fighting, and also i have one younger brother, he is 4 years younger than me and we also fighting, yayyy, we always figthing,, can you imagine how my parents endure with our voice when we fight?? three of us have a louder voice, don't underestimate us, hehehhe..
if I remember those time, i feel sad, how can we make our parents disappointed and disturbed by our stupid behavior. we still childish, the three of us,, never think about others feelings, always think that we are right and the others wrongs, always think that we are superior than the other, and if we fight, we always force our parents to defend us,,, our parents must be very confusing that time and I'm sure that they got headache everyday because of us..
and again time goes by me and my sister entered high school and my brother entered junior high scholl.
and we become more, more and more stubborn, self centered, egocentrics, and a lot of fighting happened in our home.
we become rebel, we always disagree with our parents,, we always think that they are too old fashioned,,
time goes by, my brother entered high school, me and my sister entered the college, changes happened. there were a decrease in fighting, maybe because our activities, we don't have time to fight, but we still stubborn, i don't know where this habit came from,,
and then, the time is come, my brother was accepted in UGM in Jogja, so he has to go to Jogja and leave us,, and then I realize that I love him so much, I missed him, even tough when he was in our home, we always fight,, why do we always realize that we love someone when he/she isn't here with us??
10 months after my brother went to Jogja, my sister was accepted to work in West Papua, she leave us then, and the home is getting lonely. Only three of us in our home, me, my mother and my father, I don't have any friend anymore, even for fighting or only to chit chat.. It's so lonely.
and then after 2 months she leave us, i was accepted to work in Jakarta, and i went to Jakarta.
here i am, in jakarta.
and there are only my parents leave behind in our lovely home, i bet they felt so lonely.
All this memories make me sad, I've never think that we will separate, but i do love those past time, i never thought that we can make it this far, at least we don't need to burden our family,, we have job, a good one.. from a little stubborn child, never think about others, always make our parents sad, etc,,
oh my God I love my family so much, hopefully I can be a better person and make my parents happy.
just some advise for you, love your family, never disappointing them,, because you will feel loose them, when they're not around..
love your family!!!

After two and half month in Jakarta, now, I've to moving again next month to Palembang,,
a new city, never been there.
I've to adapt again and I think it's a quite bit hard, cause, in this two month i don't even adapt with the condition in Jakarta, and now, my lovely company make me to adapt with new city.
arggghhhh...
it's hard for me...
my mind still reject, my body can't receive it..
in this big city, our capital city, i can't easily get used to with the atmosphere,, in which that a lot of people desire to come to this city, but not me,, i don't really like Jakarta,,
I'm stuck here,
I don't know, I just don't like Jakarta,,
And now, here it comes, Palembang,,
I don't have anyone there..
But I've got to go there,,
I have to face it,,
This is only a little burden
God will not let His child suffering, He knows what we need, even though we don't like it.
Now I must think that, I've got to go to Palembang, cause I've got to be there, there must be something there, that will make me a better man, will make me more appreciate my life and everything I had,,
So, what are you afraid of???
It's not forever, just a couple months in your life, so enjoy it..

Gambatte ne!!!

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands One who is my Savior
I take Him at his word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my Savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus:(Twice)
My Savior loves, my Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God He was, my God He is
My God He's always gonna be

Yes, living, dying; let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus:(6x)
My Savior loves, my Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God He was, my God He is
My God He's always gonna be

My Savior lives, my Savior loves
My Savior lives, my Savior loves
My Savior lives....
By: Aaron Shust

Love this song so much..

I wanna to share my experience with all of you about my friends.
i admire him so much. two days ago he share his life with me. he told me about his father who already dead. his story really touched me. He said that his father is his biggest motivator in his life. He told me that his father worked so hard only to feed his family. my friend has a lot siblings and only his father works in his family. His father even barely to sleep or take a break. His father even said that He can endure not to sleep only to earn money for his family. His father only sleep for 3-4 hours a day. And His father can fulfilled their needs. And one day, His father collapse when worked at store (they have store), their neighbors help his father, and bring him home. unfortunately, his father got stroke. they brought him to hospital in the evening and in the next morning, his father just passed away. when this condition happened, my friend wasn't there. He was in another province in order to work. When his father died, he was called by his cousin and telling him that his father just passed away. He knew this news by phone. Can you imagine his feelings that time??

Your father died, and you weren't there for him in his very last time in this world, and you knew this news by someone else.
He's not crying at the time he got the news, but in middle of the road when going back to his father's place he cried. Fortunately, he still have time to pray for his father. And he also buried his father.

And he said to me that in this life, you have to make your parents happy. meanwhile you still have time and chance to do so, just try your best to make them happy. Try not to make them sad or angry or disappointed by your behaviour.
This story really touching me because, i am a kind of stubborn child who always make my parents sad or angry. I always fights against them. I'm a rebel. And when my friend told me the magic word, that i have to make my parents happy, it really really stick in me. I want to be better child for my parents, and i'm in process in doing so. It took a lot of effort, because i have ego.
But hearing his story, makes me realize that I'm nothing, I'm just a little daddy girl, and I have to be a better person.
And I want you to be a better person with me, respect your parents, make them happy.

I've got this words, while i was in my uncle's home in Bekasi. I like the way of the author praise the Lord, and I'm trying to do just the same like the author did, and I hope you do the same way too.

In our life, there's must be something new everyday, it can be new friend, new partner, new situation, new stuff, etc. These new thing can be a good ones or bad ones, depends on how we look at it.
 We can't avoid it. We have to face it.
If we  met someone new, what will you  think about him/her??
Will you consider him/her as a good person or bad, only in one glance?? Or you need time to observe him/her??
Well, it's depend on you.

 What do you think when you are going to be replaced in the new area that you don't know anything about it, you know nothing about the person in those area, you don't know the situation, you know absolutely nothing, but you have to go there. First reaction is afraid of course. But will you let those freakin' feeling overwhelmed you?? If you do, then you are a loser. How can you be afraid to something that you don't know?? How can you be afraid to something that doesn't exist yet?? No matter how is the condition that you'll meet, just give your best to those environmental. Once you give your best, you will get the best of them back too. You should be brave, you have brain so you can think, you have mouth so you can ask, you have hands, so you can help people around you, so what are you afraid of???
I know, talking is easier than facing the real thing, but like i said before, you will face a new thing everyday in your life, and you know what, you've already done with this thing. Remember your first time going to kindergarten, and then primary school, high school, college, get a new job. There's a lot of new thung that you have faced. Did you afraid for the first time?? The answer is yes. But did you still afraid? The answer is NO.  You enjoy your "new thing" so why do you still afraid if you have to face something new??

My sister is a doctor, and she has to finish her practice in the very rural area. She is afraid in the beginning, because the people in her new area can't speak in bahasa. They are too primitive. Can you imagine how does her feeling?? She came from civilization and she has to deal with this primitive things. But, did it stop her?? NO!! She still went to those place. She can conquer her afraid. And now, she feels happy to be there.
What about you?? Do you still afraid to face a new condition?? Or will you enjoy it and be happy with it?? It's up to you.

LIFE IS A CHOICE..

I just curious with the people who is workaholic. i don't know why, but i think it's a lil' bit crazy if people can addicted with 'work'.
I just compare it with myself, I've been work for 13 days,and i worked from 8 am till 7 pm. and you know what??  I'm tired, I don't even have time to sleep. I just can't think that some people consider that 24 hours a day isn't enough for him/her to  work.
Btw, i just figure it out that working is so tiring. I used to think that working is a pleasure thing, but i was wrong. working absorb a lot of your energy, it makes you stuck, boring, etc. All you have to do is enjoy your work.

if you want to be happy for a day, take a break
if you want to be happy for a week, take an holiday
if you want to be happy for a month, marry someone
if you want to be happy for a year, bequest a wealthiness
IF YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY FOREVER, LOVE YOUR JOB...

life is mysterious.
we never know what would happen in our life, next second, next minute, next hour or next day. its all a secret. a big secret. even though we plan our life carefully, accurately, we still out of the plan. we can say that we want to go to the movie tomorrow, but  unfortunately, tomorrow is raining, we can't go.

just like my experience. i never ever want to work in banking sectors, but what??? God gave me the job in banking sector. Arghhhhhhhhh...
God always has His own ways, and we cant predict it. All we have to do just praise Him. God will guide us. i want to quote this phrase, i love this phrase.
 

waiting is one of the most disgusting things to do. hehehehe... no defense..
i don't like to waiting..

but waiting will shape us. it will give us time to think.
by waiting you will grown up. you will appreciate something. if you always got what you want immediately without any sacrifice, any effort, any tears you won't appreciate what you've got. you will take it for granted.

but if you want something, and you have to give your best effort to take it, you have to sacrifice your time, your money, even your mind and even so, you still need to wait for that thing for a long long time -- i know this is suck -- but im sure, when finally you reach what you want the feeling is awesome, it's like a miracle.  I'm telling because I've already felt it.

do you realize when you have to push down your ego, trying to be more patient , actually this condition shapes us to be more beautiful. we have to conquer everything that block us, we can't surrender now. it's a process that we have to live with so we can be  a more perfect human.

i know, it's not easy to accept this condition --to sacrifice your time, your money, your mind, push down your ego-- but we have to! if we want to be a winner we have to endure all of that.. believe me, like i've told you before, i already done with this thing. ya i know, when i was on this painful process, i always complaining. i, even blame others, but when i finally got what i want, it feels like i can touch heaven (hehehe,, exaggerate). but it's for true, it's more satisfying when i finally get what i want after i work hard to get it rather than when i got something easily.

and finally, yeah finally my longest waiting has a very sweet result.
thanks God, to allow me doing this process, at least i can reduce my ego. thanks for allow me to be a better person. thanks for everything that you gave to me.